{"id":3805,"date":"2017-01-24T15:35:59","date_gmt":"2017-01-24T23:35:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heuermontage.com\/?p=3805"},"modified":"2017-01-25T04:21:37","modified_gmt":"2017-01-25T12:21:37","slug":"fading-into-the-background","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heuermontage.com\/?p=3805","title":{"rendered":"Fading into the Background"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

This morning I saw a woman in her 70s with flowers face painted on her face. I overheard that she had a face-painting\u00a0birthday party for her grandchild on the weekend, and decided to keep the flowers since they were so cheerful. It felt daring and of course I loved it. It also reminded me of the many beige and brown outfits I saw during my travels, something considered elegant and flattering and “feminine”, when really few people can pull it off. Mostly it just makes you somewhat invisible (look at the cover photo….). I so often think about Hannah Arendt donning her lover Heidegger’s favorite brown dress during a reunion after the war. Brown? The color of hamsters and Nazis? Having kept it in the first place?\"\"<\/p>\n

Paula Becker Modersohn – Old Woman<\/em> – in her museum in Bremen – the first ever museum built for a female painter!<\/p>\n

During a conversation later in the\u00a0morning a friend and I mused about why women always take themselves back, rather than making themselves visible. in a less literal way as well. Or shall we say “in the linguistic way.” We often\u00a0devalue ourselves\u00a0in advance, using hesitating language.<\/p>\n

Below is a link to a rather self-helpish, if that’s a word, tutorial, but one that nicely summarizes what psychologists have shown as typically female speech patterns. I copied the most important points for your perusal.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0thought this portrait at the Whitney by John Wilde of his wife Helen (1950) called\u00a0Work Reconsiderd #1 <\/em>nicely points the way:\"\"<\/p>\n

1. Drop the \u201cjust:\u201d \u201cI\u2019m just wondering \u2026\u201d \u201cI just think \u2026\u201d \u201cI just want to add \u2026\u201d \u201cJust\u201d demeans what you have to say. \u201cJust\u201d shrinks your power. It\u2019s time to say goodbye to the justs.<\/p>\n

2. While you are at it, drop the \u201cactually.\u201d \u201cI actually have a question.\u201d \u201d I actually want to add something.\u201d \u201cActually\u201d communicates a sense of surprise that you have something to say. Of course you want to add something. Of course you have questions. There\u2019s nothing surprising about it.<\/p>\n

3. Don\u2019t tell us why what you are about to say is likely to be wrong. We are still starting sentences with, \u201cI haven\u2019t researched this much but \u2026\u201d \u201cI\u2019m just thinking off the top of my head but \u2026\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve clearly been studying this longer than I have, but \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

We do this for lots of reasons. We don\u2019t want to appear arrogant. We aren\u2019t totally sure about what we are saying. Or we fear being wrong, and so we buffer the sting of a critical response by saying up front, \u201cI\u2019m not totally standing behind what I\u2019m about to say, but \u2026\u201d Then, no one has the chance to say back, \u201cWell, I know you strongly believe this, but I entirely disagree.\u201d<\/p>\n

No matter what the reason, doing this takes away from the power of your voice. Time to change the habit.<\/p>\n

4. Don\u2019t tell us you are going to \u201cjust take a minute\u201d to say something. Often, in presentations or meetings, I hear women say, \u201cI\u2019d like to ask you to take just a minute to consider this idea\u201d or \u201cNow, I\u2019m going to take just a few minutes to tell you about our product.\u201d Think about how much stronger it sounds to simply say, \u201cI\u2019d like to tell you about our product.\u201d<\/p>\n

Go ahead and only take a minute, if that\u2019s appropriate, but skip using the phrase \u201cjust a minute\u201d in a talk or presentation. It sounds apologetic and implies that you don\u2019t think what you are about to say is worthy of time and attention.<\/p>\n

5. Don\u2019t make your sentences sound like questions. Women often raise the pitch of their voice at the end of a sentence, making it sound like a question. Listen to your own language and that of women around you, and you are likely to notice this everywhere. Unsurprisingly, speaking a statement like a question diminishes its power. Make statements sound like statements; drop the tone lower at the end.<\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t substitute a question for a statement. You might think you are \u201csuggesting\u201d increasing the marketing budget by asking, \u201cWhat about increasing the marketing budget?\u201d in a meeting, but your colleagues aren\u2019t likely to hear an opinion (and certainly not a well thought-out opinion) in your question. When you have something to say, don\u2019t couch it in a question.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.taramohr.com\/8-ways-women-undermine-themselves-with-their-words\/<\/a><\/p>\n

Here’s to strong and colorful women – and\u00a0those who love blue hats.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Guy Pene Du Bois,\u00a0Woman with\u00a0<\/em>Cigarette<\/i> (1929) \u00a0at the Whitney<\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This morning I saw a woman in her 70s with flowers face painted on her face. I overheard that she had a face-painting\u00a0birthday party for her grandchild on the weekend, and decided to keep the flowers since they were so cheerful. It felt daring and of course I loved it. It also reminded me of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3812,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[108],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3805","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFading into the Background - YDP - your daily picture<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.heuermontage.com\/?p=3805\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fading into the Background\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This morning I saw a woman in her 70s with flowers face painted on her face. 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