“Be courageous when the mind deceives you
Be courageous
In the final account only this is important” ― Zbigniew Herbert

I am not good with New Year’s Resolutions. Not good in devising them, and certainly not good in keeping them. I am, however, taking a benchmark date like January 1st at least to think through what I have accomplished with things I cared about, where to continue and possibly how to improve. And then I forget about it…..

My daily writing has been important to me as a tool to focus my thoughts, learn new things, exercise my brain and either offer some teaching, or some cheer, or simply some tangible evidence that we are all in this together, sharing thoughts if not able to keep company with each other.

The delight of writing about my experience of art has been curbed by the restrictions we all face: inaccessibility of travel and museums or galleries. The passion of writing about politics has been severely impacted by the depth to which this realm has sunk into ugliness and despair, at the existential expense of the most vulnerable among us, and the emotional expense of all of us who often can’t bear to hear yet another piece of bad news.

Luckily, the realm of science remains open for exploration as does the domain of literature and poetry, both providing insights and beauty to come in a year that will still not be easy. Gratefully, the everlasting joy provided by nature has no limits either, even if my current photographic explorations are narrowed to the Pacific Northwest – plenty of beauty all around! (Photographs are from last week’s walk at Oaks Bottom. The herons were out in droves – look closely at the water’s edge.)

So I will go on to describe my thoughts, difficult as it may be.

When it comes to the difficulty of describing feelings, I defer to a writer who, for me, has the distinction of infusing us with the courage to live like no other poet I know. (OK, scratch that. I have discovered Emily Dickinson this year, after all. They are in a tie.) The Polish poet Zbigniew Herbert died of causes related to poverty in 1998, despite being recognized as one of the most brilliant European minds of our life time. As a staunch opponent of communism he was later betrayed by many in the Solidarity Movement he had supported, when they turned NeoCon. His work was shaped by the fall-out from the traumas Poland experienced throughout its history, and he managed to convey the history itself, the issue of moral necessity, human suffering but also human resilience, all at once. Here is a fine introduction to the man and his work by his latest translator.

Here is his quest to find the right words, or, more importantly, the right insights.

I Would Like to Describe

Zbigniew Herbert – 1924-1998

I would like to describe the simplest emotion
joy or sadness
but not as others do
reaching for shafts of rain or sun

I would like to describe a light
which is being born in me
but I know it does not resemble
any star
for it is not so bright
not so pure
and is uncertain

I would like to describe courage
without dragging behind me a dusty lion
and also anxiety
without shaking a glass full of water

to put it another way
I would give all metaphors
in return for one word
drawn out of my breast like a rib
for one word
contained within the boundaries
of my skin

but apparently this is not possible

and just to say - I love
I run around like mad
picking up handfuls of birds
and my tenderness
which after all is not made of water
asks the water for a face
and anger
different from fire
borrows from it
a loquacious tongue

so is blurred
so is blurred
in me
what white-haired gentlemen
separated once and for all
and said 
this is the subject
and this is the object

we fall asleep
with one hand under our head
and with the other in a mound of planets

our feet abandon us
and taste the earth
with their tiny roots
which next morning
we tear out painfully

I’ll settle for dragging a dusty lion behind me in the new year, and drinking the water that was not spilled by trembling hands, embracing feelings as well as thoughts, in whatever fashion they are described, all the blurriness contained in me, grateful for new beginnings.

Happy New Year – or at least a content one where we can still connect to planets and taste the earth, something that is happening in today’s music selection as well. Here is Beethoven’s Piano concerto Nr. 4, Op 58.